Words can hurt (warning, I am a basketcase!)

Just last week I had two experiences that kind of stopped me in my emotional tracks. Both were moments where I felt like I had been offended. Both were moments that kind of made me feel very unsettled. I have moved on (mostly...) but I thought I would recount the incidents, for the sake of documented my emotional reactions and how I might deal better with them in the future.

The first happened last Saturday at my department holiday party. Grandma Coop day was in full swing, so it was just Jimmy and me. It is quite pleasant to go to a party without kids -- but I was totally missing them when I saw another kid Sam's age walking around in overalls. I digress.

I had friendly conversation with several people, most of them I knew from previous conversations, though I must admit I did not know a good percentage of the people there because I am part-time. This topic came up in one of the conversations I had with a couple. It went something like this.

"So what do you teach?" Man asks.
"Oh, I am teaching in the labs, about once a week.."
"You teach ONCE a week?!"
"Yeah, I teach for two different classes, but the labs meet every other week for each class, so it ends up being once a week."
"You only teach ONCE a week. What else do you do?!"
"Well, I'm a mom..."

Maybe this doesn't really seem that bad, and in all honesty it wasn't really that offensive. I don't think he understood how I could only be working once a week, and still afford to drive a car. And to be fair my kids were not there. But his face did give a sort of crazed bewilderment even when I said I was a mom. The incident made me chuckle more than anything. And I told Jimmy and we were leaving that I was proud of myself being able to say I was a mom without embarrassment or hesitation. I love being able to work a little, but I also love being home with my kids--except when Sam is teething...

The second incident happened just three days ago at Walmart. I was standing in line with Sam strapped to my back and Lucy sitting in the cart. A man and high adult daughter were standing behind us. Lucy was being friendly as she always is, and he was talking back to her. And he was very nice. But then Lucy started to suck her thumb, and he gave me a very shocked look and the conversation went like this....

"Why do you suck you thumb?" Man says to Lucy looking at me as well.
"She sucks her thumb, and this one behind me never caught on..." I say jokingly...
"When I was growing up we didn't let kids such their thumbs...why would you let her do that?"
"It's a hard habit to break...." I say back (I shouldn't have tried to defend myself.)
"That's the thing with people in this country, they don't give a darn* about their kids, they let them do whatever....Pacifiers are better than thumbs..." Man looks at Lucy "Don't suck your thumb...why would you do that....it is dirty!"

And this is where I stopped looking at that the man and tried not to cry. Yep, I was pretty much crying with the man standing right next to me, and the cashier checking me out. Maybe it was the fact that he inferred that I didn't care, or the fact that I do kind of wish Lucy would stop sucking her thumb. In any event it totally wiped me out and made me stifle tears until the kind cashier lady finished with my bags. She was really sweet, and she tried to say something nice as I left, but goodness gracious she was not efficient. It took us forever to get out of that place, and I am considering not going back (not that I go there often anyways...)

And poor Lucy tried to console me as I cried all the way home. She offered me animal crackers and even tried to tell me to be happy. I told her I had to "cry the sadness out..." because that was what I was doing. Crying for crying's sake. I was a mess.

Stepping back from this incidence, I realized that again, this man was probably not trying to knock me a parental blow, but was giving me "advice." Though I must say, adding that "parents don't care" was a little uncaring of him. I also realized that there were probably several ways for me to react. Because I am non-confrontational (as Jimmy can attest) I bottled it up, swallowed real hard, and cried like a baby later on. I could have started saying how it is "none of your business" or "we try not to let her all the time, but it is her way of comforting herself.," or "please don't judge my parenting...I care about my children a lot." All of these comeback went through my head on the way home. I am really not sure what was the correct way to handle said encounter, but I do know that I am totally naïve into thinking that people always know what they are saying when they say it. Mostly we are fumbling through conversations hoping we are alive when we make it to the other side...I know that is how I converse. In fact I really wish that making conversation was easier for me. I often rethink conversations until I am exhausted, wondering if I said something offensive, unintelligent or just plain ridiculous. I guess I shouldn't assume that other people don't have the same problem. I also can't assume that all people are cute old ladies who tell me my children are beautiful angels. I like these people just so you know.

What did I learn from both experiences. All people are ignorant and that includes me. I have no idea what is going on in people's lives and they can't say anything about mine. They are making decisions based on what they think is best. I am trying to do the same. I do not dislike any of these people, though I wish they would rethink their choice of words or facial expressions.

I am so excited to be with my children this Christmas because even though I am probably the grouchiest of grouches sometimes, they are infinitely forgiving. Being with them on Christmas is what brings the Christ-like spirit into our home.   In that vein I think the best thing I can say is, I will try to treat people with charity and that same sort of forgiveness.  Be aware that everyone is a child of God and keeping working on taking care of my stewardship and heritage. There is a reason we sing "I am a child of God" to the kids every time we put them to bed.  I can assure you it is not just for them.

It is upon us...

I was just saying to Jimmy the other day that it just feels like we had Christmas and Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, but here we are, another holiday season in full swing.

 

Thanksgiving was a very nice holiday this year. I offered to help with a few dishes and we didn't have to travel very far. Plus we took a little of the food guilt off by running a race that morning. Turns out our church building hosts a 5K every Thanksgiving. It had a great showing even though it was chilly. I ran by myself and Jimmy ran with the stroller. Though truth be told, after I finished I went to collect the stroller from Jimmy so he could finish without having to push it up the hill.

 

Over all I got 2nd in my age division and 5th woman overall. They gave me a medal for 2nd in my age division. On our way up to the Coopriders Lucy said to me "I wanted it to say 3 on it..." I guess next year I will have to run slower. Sorry Lucy! Jimmy finished and was happy with it!

 

At the Coopriders, we had quite a gathering.  Lucy and Sam have been missing their cousins, so it was a happy reunion. They had been sick the last month or so, so we were glad to see them happy and healthy! Plus, Uncle Joe was in town. The kids LOVE uncle Joe. And for an added bonus, I actually took some pictures. So there you go.

 

This might be one of my favorite pictures of the day. How many Coopriders does it take to fill a sectional couch? Three! 

 

After some naps and rest all the kids went outside. The adults played too. It was quite a spectacle to watch. There was sledding and snowball fights and fort building. It was epic I tell you!

Alice does a very nice winter pose.

Uncle Joe is serious about sledding.

Ada reinforcing her private sled fort.

Uncle Nathan. These Coopriders brothers are serious about their snow sports.

See what I mean!

I wish I had taken a wider picture of this. Sam was actually standing in between the two forts that were having a snowball fight. He did not get hit, miraculously.

We ended up staying overnight, going to the Temple the next morning and playing more with our family. It was delightful. On our way back, we visited Grandma Nancy, who we are always very grateful to see, and then got home in time to pull out leftovers for dinner.

As we were about to eat my parents showed up. We thought they might be in later that evening but we were delighted that they got to see the kids before they went to bed.

This was a series of pictures we took the next day. I like it because it shows the personalities of the kids.

And that was Thanksgiving. It was happy, it was relaxing, and we are ever so thankful to be near family that loves and supports us!

As an added bonus here are some pictures from Sunday and today.

Sam is started to look like a little boy and not a baby.

Lucy wearing my running shirts.

And our stand-in Christmas tree, until we get the real thing this weekend.

Happy holidays!

October and November

It has been a while. October was busy. I taught at least once a week and often had to go in more than that just to be prepared to teach. Hopefully next semester won't be as bad. I am teaching all the same classes. We will see.

In other news, my kids are cute. And that is mostly what this post will be about. Obviously we did the whole Halloween thing, but I didn't get a picture because they wore the same costumes they wore to King Richard's Faire. I guess it is a little cuter when you have to cover half of their costumes because it is cold outside. Anyways...here goes the pictures.


You will see many pictures of the kids in their Sunday best. I guess it is because they do look quite cute right before church. Don't ask me to snap a picture after. We have 11 am church, so they (and the parents) are quite tired and more than ready for some rest. Anyways, here is one Sunday (in October) before Church.

I love this picture. They look like bestest buddies.

 



Sam's squinty smiley face will be seen many times in this post....Consider yourself lucky!!

For Columbus day we ventured to Honeypot orchard for some apple picking. We pretty much re-created a visit we made last year. This time we parked far enough away that a complimentary hayride was included. My kids didn't want to look at the camera in this one.

Since Sam does super cute squinty smiley faces, Lucy compensates by doing really awkward sideways goofy faces. I have no clue how we are going to get good family pictures this year...

Yes, the apples were delicious!

And here is Lucy looking grown up....sigh...

We also made our annual trip to Pumpkin fest. Despite their being some questionable behavior outside the festival, we had a lovely and non-eventful time. It was actually kind of rainy. We met up with my mom, Poul and Danielle, grabbed some food, did a loop around the square, Lucy got her face painted and we headed back to my parents'. It was a nice weekend to visit my family and a very lovely time to be around Keene.

The hike I did with the kids in September is now one of the kids favorite places to go. So we did the hike again. I got some more pictures of them holding hands and being good at being siblings. I think these pictures will be important later in life when they are driving each other crazy.

Lucy LOVES the bridge that we cross. Here is HER bridge.

Aw.....that cheesy smile gets me every time. Yes, here are some more pre-church pictures.

This is a picnic they created in the kitchen.

And the park. I believe this was just last week. The weather is getting cold, but I am determined to keep bringing the kids outside. For my own sanity and for their need to let out energy.

Instead of giving Lucy a knife we allowed her to paint a pumpkin. I think she did a fabulous job. She even let me participate to add some of my own artwork.

And here is pumpkin Jimmy carved the day before Halloween. He went very traditional.

But my friends, winter is upon us. On Saturday (or Friday) I woke up to snow on the ground. I wasn't super excited. Maybe selfishly because I can't take the kids out as much and also because I like to run outside, but it gets more complicated with snow. I am excited for all the holiday parts of winter, but not so much the cold. That being said Lucy and Sam are super excited. Lucy saw the snow and demanded we make a snowman. She thought it was "amazing!" Here they are trying on some winter clothes. Sam likes to wear hats like dopey from Snow White and the 7 dwarves. The hats hardly stay on his head.

But then there is his smile...

Yesterday we dropped Sam off with Grandma and Grandpa Coop and took Lucy to see a movie. It was a great experience to be just with Lucy. I miss that one on one time we get with her. She is such a good little girl, that sometimes gets the brunt of Sam's tantrums, simply because she is oldest. But yesterday it was all about her. She wanted sandwiches for lunch so we got grilled sandwiches, and she wanted popcorn for the movie, so we splurged and got popcorn. The movie (Big Hero 6) was great, but too intense for Lucy. She sat in my lap for the 2nd half. But in the end it was still a good movie. I think sometimes she forgets there are other movies besides princess movies and Wreck it Ralph. I still think it was a fun experience for all of us!

And here is one last pre-church picture. Lucy looks so stylish in her dress and boots. Turns out this girl has grown out of all her winter shoes. So we got her some church boots yesterday. Next up winter boots for her and Sam. Sheesh these kids never stop growing!

And now we are pretty much up to date. I have one last class on Thursday and then we are home free for the rest of the semester. I am just hoping we stay warm enough. Today we finally turned on the heat in living room.